Four Months Sober Questions
I’m coming up on 4 mths AF on August 11, which has not happened since my last pregnancy (4 yrs ago) after years of ‘mostly’ weekend binge drinking (I’m 43 and started drinking at 26) but that got to a whole other level during covid. My husband (aka drinking buddy) and I decided to go AF for 90 days and it has just kept on going. I never experienced the pink cloud though and am still waiting for that. I feel like I have PAWS a lot of the time. I’m just wondering when I will feel like this is worth all the pain and effort? Logically I know it is worth it because of how bad alcohol is for you, so I know I had to stop but I do romanticize it a lot. I don’t feel very clear headed, I haven’t lost weight, and I feel emotionally unstable quite often. Just wondering if this is normal for someone at the 4 month mark? For some background, I’m currently on Zoloft 75 mg, I lift weights almost daily (Marcus Filley persist program - highly recommend!) do daily dog walks, meditate most days, stretch/yoga, and try to do other forms of self care but also have two challenging toddlers and I’m self employed (teaching and playing violin) so sometimes it’s hard to balance everything. I have struggled with depression and anxiety entire life due to a lot of stuff - conservative Christian pastor’s family (I.e. religious trauma) being labeled as ‘too sensitive’ as a child, competitive environment with siblings, history of eating disorder/body image issues, violinist - pressures to be perfect etc. nothing crazy but very insidious trauma. I have gone to counseling for years but was also self medicating for years with alcohol so a lot of emotions are coming up now that I don’t feel I have ever really dealt with properly. I do feel a bit better physically - less anxiety, face less puffy etc, but I still feel depressed, and haven’t lost weight (would love to get lose 5-10 pounds and be at ideal weight) and I am really self conscious of aging as a lot of my self worth is wrapped up in my appearance due to upbringing. I think one reason I started drinking was a way to rebel against my family and now that I no longer drink, it feels like I’m not fun or cool, so struggling with that too. Hubby is in the beginning stages of micro-dosing mushrooms journey, he thinks I should get off of SSRI’s and give it a try instead. Wondering what your opinion is on that? I have SO appreciated your podcast, Gill, and I can’t even begin to tell you how much it has helped me. I wish I had quit drinking when I was your age, but sadly, I was just getting started! I feel like I wasted my ‘prime years’ and have regrets about that too. Sorry for this novel. Feel free to edit as necessary if you want to use any of this! I so appreciate this platform and just wanted to say keep it up! I do evening walks with my golden retriever, Buffy, and listen to your podcasts, highlight of my day. Congratulations on 1000 days btw. Thanks again for everything. Leanne
New Episodes moving forward.
Sorry Gill. Couldn't figure out how / where the comments work. Anyway....regarding your email about the new episodes moving forward. A. Yes Number 2 (how to deal with shame) would be great; maybe there's a few layers to this? The shame you feel internally when you want to stop and are trying but keep self-sabotaging instead. But also the shame that acts as an unconscious trigger that may contribute to our drinking in the first place? B. Dear God yes Number 3 (How to get through the weekend without drinking). It seems so easy to just stop completely Sunday to Thursday - no cravings nothing; its an automatic no. but the weekend seems to have some automated voodoo pull....
Spouse who drinks
my husb birthday is in 3 weeks..its a friday this yr. We work and then ill prob have dinner for him..and he will then go out with his guy friends and again Saturday eve. Bdays are a big deal. Now that im.sober I know its an excuse to just drink! He usually has a couple guys that will sit on the deck or in garage. And then Saturday eve he will most likely get picked up and more drinking. I dont like when hes hungover and I dont want to be around others who are drinking as it makes me feel isolated and left out. I have codependency issues which im.working on with my therapist. But I feel like this is the first yr not joining him and in order to protect myself, I feel like I need.to remove myself out of the scene.. And go do something that weekend.. I just dont want to sound selfish by doing this.since its his bday time. This sober stuff has really made the dynamics more.so for me feel a bit lost. I know im.not alone in that. He could lessen his drinking habits... But I know thats on his own accord and time. This last weekend he went with a friend to an event and of course drinking was involved. It makes me feel left out. But why should i have to sit at home feeling sad because hes out doing things... It is a grief in a sense too because thats so involved with his life and not mine anymore. I know ppl divorce.over things like this and it makes me nervous. But any feedback or advice on it would be amazing. Thanks for your help as always Gill!